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Laziness: A Modern Choose your own Adventure Story.


The T.V. shouted loudly at the person seated on the cushions of the sofa in the living room situated at the juncture of anywhere and everywhere. Ahem, by T.V. you mean Netflix/Hulu/ITunes/Cable marathon of Sherlock/Pretty Little Liars/Breaking Bad/Law and Order SVU/Shake weight infomercials. Cough Cough sofa is really a bed with a few days past germane sheets crumbly to the touch from Doritos/pizza/”healthy snacks”/ or the many dried tears of dramatic demises and frustrating series endings (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).

The urge arises; you have to go pee/the nails on your feet have started to grow their own jungle gym so its time for a ‘trim’/ you’ve ran out of food and have resorted to eating the crumbs on your sheets/ THE INTERNET IS NOT WORKING I REPEAT WE NEED TO STORM THE GOVERNMENTS OF DA WORLD GET NATO ON THE LINE G’D DAMMNNNIT.

You return to your bovine nest, but now you have to figure out how to get comfortable again: by forcing your cat empress into being a terribly vicious and cuddly purring pillow of wrath and remorse/ snore during the most important parts of the show and wake up in time to be spoiled #@&* $#@&$!!!/ sit up and pretend to be proactive only to drop your laptop on your face leaving a mark of bitter resentment from the laptop whose clearly seen too much.

The show is over, the last season, all the extras: IMDB forum postings/YouTube videos/TMZ articles/Ebay comb and toothbrush listings there is nothing left for you to consume. What purpose do you have now? Damn that’s a hard question; how about look for that true calling in life? PSHH, Naww, whatevs how about instead watching every video that smoldering villain that judges you in your own fantasies has starred in, bonus points if you find the obscure early hepatitis cream commercial from Sweden.

Don’t worry though, you will feel motivated on Monday!

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Categories: Funny, Musings, pop cultureTags: , , , , , , , ,

2 comments

  1. Great blog and great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi, thanks so much for the follow! Really liked this post, though I sadly have made the couch a “bovine nest” myself from time to time. I blame my own cat empress on that more than laziness – who really wants to make an adorable furry ball move when they’re all cozy in your lap?

    Liked by 1 person

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